


strawberries and sunlight

by polkadot



Category: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Declarations Of Love, F/F, Falling In Love, Flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-23 01:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11392704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polkadot/pseuds/polkadot
Summary: It was some four months since Kitty had come to stay at Pemberley, when she found to her great astonishment that she had not thought of young officers in a fortnight.





	strawberries and sunlight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tree/gifts).



It was some four months since Kitty had come to stay at Pemberley, when she found to her great astonishment that she had not thought of young officers in a fortnight.

Her translation from the dreary tedium of Longbourn to the hum and bustle of her sister’s estate must account for it. At Longbourn, livened only by the heady contagion of Lydia’s laughter, Kitty had pined for ribbons and flirts, balls and gowns, and a handsome officer on each arm. A flighty girl, she had been easily led into disporting herself in attempts to escape the boredom of her mother’s prattle and her father’s silence; with Lydia as her only companion, their pursuits were as one. 

Now, however, with Lydia vanished into matrimony and her mother many miles away, Kitty found that her previous amusements had lost something of their ability to please. Oh, she still cared for ribbons and pretty gowns, and surely always would. Yet her thoughts no longer dwelt on handsome redcoats and on dancing the night away, or on feeling the giddy triumph of rendering a young officer speechless. 

She frowned, running her finger along the top of Georgiana’s piano. The Kitty of old might have ventured some silly remark, which all present would have politely smiled at or ignored. Yet this Kitty, finding herself changed, wondered at it; and, wondering, went to consult a friend.

Lizzy and Darcy had ridden out, as they so often did of a morning, but Georgiana was sitting in her parlor, writing a letter. Perhaps it was to Jane – the two found each other most restful correspondents, and kept the mail coaches busy with their missives. Georgiana’s handwriting was elegant, unlike Kitty’s own haphazard hand, and she looked serene in the morning light as it fell upon her from the open window.

Even as Kitty watched her, she looked up, and a soft smile overspread her face. “Dear sister,” she said, laying her pen by. “I was just writing of you, and the duet we are learning. I know Jane will wish to hear us play, when we are all together again at Christmas.”

Kitty sat, trying to be graceful. Where once she had been casual in her manners, a paler imitation of Lydia’s madcap ways, she found now that she wished to be more careful, under the beam of Georgiana’s eye. It was not that Georgiana put her to shame – no one could be kinder, or less judgmental of Kitty’s faults. Darcy might raise his eyebrows when she betrayed a lack of knowledge or of grace, and even Lizzy might lose patience at times, but Georgiana only ever smiled, and gently smoothed over the waters. 

Perhaps it was that Georgiana reminded Kitty of what she might aspire to be, if she only tried. She was as sweet-tempered and beautiful as Jane and as intelligent and well-read as Lizzy, with an added musical brilliance all her own, and Kitty never spent time in her company without coming away refreshed. True, she lacked the wit and sparkle and high spirits of those young ladies who took Town by storm, winning the hearts of dukes and princes; she was timid and retiring, and liked balls and company little. Yet Kitty could see no lack in her: and, seeing no lack, had begun to shape her own conduct in such a way as to provoke the shy smiles that lit her friend’s face with such a peaceful light.

“Georgiana,” she said now, lacing her fingers together in her lap, “I have found something new in my character, and scarce know how to act.”

This brought Georgiana’s eyes to her, and a slight furrow to Georgiana’s brow. “I do hope you are well,” she said, and forsook her writing table to come sit on the sofa next to Kitty.

“I am well,” Kitty hastened to reassure her. “There is naught wrong with me – and yet I find that I am changed from what I was, and know not when it took place.”

Georgiana tilted her head to one side, her eyes intent on Kitty’s face. “If there is something I can do, oh! you have only to say the word.”

“It is nothing,” Kitty said, touching her hand in reassurance. 

Georgiana’s face bloomed with colour, and Kitty remembered belatedly that her shy friend was not used to being touched. She had not the flock of sisters that had been Kitty’s company since birth – she had not been jostled cheerfully and chidden by her elders and pinched by Lydia all her life. Georgiana had been raised in little company, and it had left its mark on her. 

But Georgiana was not shrinking away from Kitty’s hand, despite her discomfiture, and indeed after a moment turned her own hand over to clasp their fingers together. “I am sure it is not nothing. Have we here at Pemberley offered some offense? I will speak to my brother and Lizzy – if there is something…”

“Oh no, I beg you will not,” Kitty said, alarmed. “It is nothing to concern them – indeed Pemberley has done me no wrong. And Lizzy has grown so grand and old, now that she is married, and she has always been much my elder. She will laugh at me.”

Georgiana nodded. “If you wish.”

“It is only,” Kitty said, feeling silly now, “that I find that my previous amusements have quite lost their appeal. When I was at Longbourn, with Lydia by my side, I thought only of balls and merriment, and was quite caught up in the pursuit of my own pleasure. I spent countless hours contemplating the attractions of the young officers stationed nearby, and was hardly to be found, without I was sketching some flirt, or daydreaming of our possible future together, or plotting a walk into town to encounter him.”

Georgiana’s eyes were cast down, her lips parted. She seemed lost in some inner thought; and yet Kitty felt that she heard every word.

“I am afraid I was quite wild,” Kitty added, and pressed the hand she held in apology. “I know it will shock you, though I never went so far as Lydia did. Indeed, her unhappy case, and the peril she placed herself in, forced itself powerfully upon my mind. Though I still thought of masculine beauty, I resolved never to endanger myself in its pursuit.”

Georgiana was quiet for a moment more, and then she raised her eyes to Kitty’s face again. “And you say something has changed now?”

Kitty had lost her way for a moment, distracted by the way the morning breeze blew a golden curl across Georgiana’s forehead, but the question recalled her to herself. “Yes. In your company, and by your example, I have changed. I have found the joy in music, now that it is not simply an accomplishment to be laboured at and displayed to draw men to me, but a shared pleasure between us. I have even learned to love reading, since you have introduced me to Mrs Radcliffe and _Udolpho_. How far her work is from Mary’s dull books.”

“Mary’s books are more edifying than _Udolpho_ , and I am sure she gains much by them,” Georgiana protested, but there was a smile at the corner of her lips.

Kitty smiled back at her. “And indeed she may keep what she gains! but truly, in your company I have found such a new wealth of enjoyments, that I have scarce had time to miss my old pleasures. I have not thought of officers in a fortnight!”

Now a smile truly trembled on Georgiana’s lips. “It is the officers’ loss,” she said.

Kitty laughed. She knew her laugh was too loud, too boisterous; but Georgiana did not flinch. “In a man that remark would be called gallant,” she said, teasing, and surrendering to a sudden impulse, raised the hand she still held to her lips. “Thank you, my lady, for the fine compliment.”

Georgiana’s fair skin was rosy, and her eyes shone. “Was there never any officer that stole your heart?” she asked, her voice shy and unsteady. 

“Oh, too many to count,” Kitty said, smiling. “I told you I was wild. I am surprised your brother allows me near you! You are so very good.”

“If he tried to send you away, I would not let him,” Georgiana said. Her voice was soft, and Kitty watched the way the lace on her collar fluttered in the breeze. “I know how to persuade him, and I cannot part with you, now that you have come. If I have diverted your thoughts from officers, you have brought such sunshine with you, that I count it a fair trade indeed. My life is so much the larger for your presence.”

It was perhaps the most words Kitty had ever heard Georgiana speak at one time, and she squeezed her hand in thanks. 

“If you do come to miss your officers,” Georgiana began.

“Do not say you will throw a ball and invite them!” Kitty cried. “I am assured of your regard, but I could not enjoy my pleasure when you should be ill at ease. And your brother would glare so if any became forward, and what use are officers if they are not a little forward! No, it is not to be thought of. I am quite happy without them.”

“I meant only to say that we could invite the Colonel,” Georgiana said, and Kitty was pleased to see that she knew Kitty well enough now that she was smiling at Kitty’s teasing. “He is an officer, after all, and has the uniform to prove it.”

“Oh, but he is old,” Kitty said, making a face to surprise Georgiana into a laugh, watching the way it lit up her expression. “He will do for Mary, perhaps, but not for me. No! I have forsworn officers for good, and gained the delights of your company in return.” 

“I hope that it is a fair exchange,” Georgiana said, looking down at their joined hands. “I am not very droll, and though you say such kind things, I fear I am far from diverting.”

“The fairest of exchanges,” Kitty said, stoutly, and stood, pulling Georgiana with her. “Shall we walk in the garden? I have a great desire for strawberries.”

Georgiana smiled, and slipped her hand through Kitty’s proffered arm. “Then we shall have them.” 

Her smile was as bright as the sunlight, and Kitty’s heart was warm.

~

The strawberries were long departed, and Christmas had come and gone, when Kitty dropped the music she held, a sudden realisation come once more. 

“Oh!” Georgiana said, surprised, then slid off her bench to kneel beside Kitty and help her gather the scattered pages. 

Kitty’s fingers were numb, her mind all awhirl. 

How had she come to this? She remembered her summertime epiphany about the waning charm of officers; these last six months she had thought of masculine beauty and allure only in passing, as a lighthearted memory of days gone by. She remembered the way she had discarded romantic daydreams for the tangible pleasures of Pemberley company, for the laughter and the music and the conversations, for long walks in the gardens and complex piano duets and the curve of Georgiana’s soft smiles.

Her life at Pemberley was so satisfying, so cosy and so pleasant, that she had thought herself simply suspending her earlier pursuits, to be returned to in good time. Mary was not yet married; when Kitty had thought about romance, she had thought of it as something yet to come, something set by until she was older, not something forsaken for good. She and Georgiana would yet find their perfect match, just as Jane and Lizzy had done before them. It was the way of things.

And then Kitty had looked up and seen Georgiana caught in a winter sunbeam, and felt a sudden burst of clarity that jarred her to her bones.

Her fingers shook as she picked up the pages. Her heart felt fluttery in her chest; she could not draw breath, and Georgiana next to her seemed to burn like the sun, all gold and heat.

“You are trembling,” Georgiana said, setting the music on the piano lid. She took Kitty’s hands in hers. “My dear, are you ill?”

“Not ill,” Kitty choked out. Her voice was halting, and she felt as if her realisation must be painted on her face, as clear as any of Georgiana’s watercolours, bright and sure. 

Georgiana looked up at her. Her eyes were beautiful, and Kitty was drowning, drowning. “Come, sit with me on the sofa,” she said, and raised Kitty to her feet. “You have caught a chill! I will run and find a blanket.”

“I am not ill,” Kitty said, more clearly. Now that she was sitting, she felt more herself, though she scarce knew now what herself might be. “I only…”

She had not the words to speak, nor the courage. Georgiana was her dearest friend; they were always in each other’s company. To lose such a friend because she spoke of the terrible tightness that now gripped her heart! oh, it could not have been borne.

“If you are not feeling yourself,” Georgiana said, pressing her hands, “I will read to you. I know you are as anxious as I to know what happens next to dear Ann! I am sure that the Count will not succeed in his evil plot.”

“I fear I would not hear the words. I am overcome with some strange emotion.” She controlled her voice with an effort. “It will pass.”

They were silent for some moments. Kitty could almost hear Georgiana thinking, but she would never discover the truth of it. Kitty was not sure she knew the truth of it herself.

Could love come like a thief in the night, stealing up on you before you were even aware of its presence? Could the romance Kitty had always experienced as a thrill of naughtiness, a frisson of giddiness, be a quieter, gentler thing than she had ever imagined? Could this overwhelming affection, this bone-deep hunger that had dropped on her like a bolt of lightning, be her new reality?

Kitty had imagined herself the heroine in a novel oh so many times. But no novel heroine fell in love with another maiden in distress; no novel heroine rescued another from the evil Count. Could it be so? 

And if it were so – and Kitty knew it more every passing moment, as she watched the sunshine play on the curve of Georgiana’s jaw and across the burnished gold of her curls, as she felt the warmth of their hands clasped together – could her maiden ever return her love?

It was in that moment, as Kitty felt every emotion in her heart writ large and speaking across her face, that Georgiana looked up.

She did not make a sound, but her cheeks flushed, and Kitty became aware of how close they were sitting, pressed together on the sofa. Her body felt as if it was on fire, and she dropped Georgiana’s hands as if the fire might spread, turning her betraying face away.

“Kitty,” Georgiana said, her voice as shy again as it had been when they first met. Kitty had thought they had left that far behind, long since as comfortable together as the bosom friends they were, and yet now here it was again. She had come ill-prepared to her new knowledge, and lost not only her dearest friendship, but the girl she loved.

“Don’t,” she said, rushed. “Don’t – it is nothing, truly nothing.”

She was not the brave one. Lydia was the brave one – to risk her life and happiness for love, however unworthy the recipient. Kitty had heard much of her brother Wickham’s faults from Lizzy since coming to Pemberley, but whatever they might be, Lydia had had the bravery to choose him. She might have been ruined – he might have abandoned her – she might have died alone and forlorn in a back alley – and yet she had taken the risk, without a second thought.

Kitty was too afraid to look back, to see the shutters closing in Georgiana’s eyes. She could not imagine speaking, putting into words the incoherent starburst that was her heart. 

And yet. 

Georgiana was taking her hands between her own.

“Kitty,” Georgiana said again, so gentle, so kind. “Catherine Bennet, look at me.”

There was a firmness there that Kitty had not encountered before, and, surprised, she obeyed.

Georgiana’s face was rosy, but her eyes met Kitty’s without flinching. “Do not tell me it is nothing, when a blind man could see that it is not.”

“I cannot,” Kitty said, her voice a whisper.

“It is only,” Georgiana said, her eyes never leaving Kitty’s, “that I see in your face what has beat in my heart these past months, and though I fear that I see only what I desire to see, I cannot stay silent. If I am wrong, you may scorn me at once!”

Kitty could scarce believe the testimony of her own ears. She could not mean – she could not intend to say - “I could never scorn you.”

“You may yet,” Georgiana said, but there was a surety in her gaze, and when she leaned in to kiss Kitty, it felt like all the angels in Heaven had shouted at once.

Kitty had been kissed before, by handsome young officers in smart red coats, daring and dashing and intoxicating. She had enjoyed those kisses, snatched in secret and never more than a quick press of lips, illicit and delicious. 

This was nothing like that. This was – this was soft and sweet, and Kitty’s blood roared in her ears, as she freed a hand and brought it up to Georgiana’s cheek. It was real, this was _real_ , and she was laughing, tears in her eyes, as Georgiana stroked her hair.

“So you are the brave one,” Kitty said, and Georgiana’s eyes were bright, so bright. “I am the maiden in the tower, and you the heroine come to claim me.”

Georgiana’s smile was the sun on a snowy day. “I am no heroine, only – only the girl who loves you.”

“The noblest heroine of them all,” Kitty said, and kissed her again.

~

It was strawberry time once more when they returned to Longbourn for Mary’s wedding. The groom was a tall young officer, handsome in his resplendent red coat, and Mary was radiant. They had met at a house party at Netherfield; Jane had found them in the library, debating a particular interpretation of St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, and had immediately done all in her power to further the acquaintance. She said, though Kitty could scarce credit it, that Perkins even enjoyed Mary’s music.

Kitty, feeling quite beautiful in her new gown and hat, smiled at Perkins’s brother officers. They were a gorgeous lot, well turned out and full of obliging smiles towards the young women in attendance. In days gone by, she would certainly have had a flirt. Lydia surely was, all Wickhams notwithstanding.

“Shall I lose you to a handsome redcoat?” Georgiana asked in a teasing undertone.

Kitty smiled at her, and pressed the hand Georgiana had slipped into the crook of her elbow. “Never, my dearest.”

They could not say more, not there; but as the warmth of the summer sunshine touched them, Kitty’s heart was full of joy everlasting, and the light of Georgiana’s smile was brighter than the sky.

~


End file.
